Just a short six weeks ago, I gave birth to the newest member of our family, Brooklyn Grace, aka “Squishy”. She brought me to tears the first time I held her and I knew right away that she is a special little soul. She has been such a blessing to our family and is quite the amazing baby. She’s snuggly, calm, and chill. I love watching her grow. She is starting to coo and just started to smile with intention. Immediately after she was born I was overwhelmed with emotions. I would look at her and burst into tears. I forgot what it’s like to love someone so intensely. I forgot what it’s like to detour into fear and worry about every little thing. I’m here to share my experience with postpartum anxiety and how I found myself through the tears and sleepless nights.
The reality of having a postpartum anxiety
As with any new baby, my world went from 0 to 100 on the craziness scale in one day. My peaceful days quickly spiraled into chaos that was not my norm. I was exhausted and totally overwhelmed. I thought I was more prepared than I was. I was so preoccupied with her, that I let my self-care slip to the back burner. I fed her, instead of feeding myself (physically and emotionally). I was so focused on meeting her needs, I neglected my own.
Before I knew it, the postpartum anxiety crept in.
The first two weeks were the worst. Going from being grounded, spiritually connected and sure, to doubting everything from my coaching, to my parenting was a shock and struggle all in one. I was incredibly worried about her, constantly making sure she was breathing, that her condition was always good, that she was happy and as healthy as she could be.
It didn’t help that she was born with a health condition that freaked me out and requires her to receive physical therapy on a weekly basis; It only made my anxiety that much worse.
This anxiety I was feeling was unlike anything I had experienced before.
I found myself so physically, mentally, and emotionally drained, I knew something needed to change. I needed to take care of myself to be able to take care of my Squishy the way she needed me to.
How to deal with postpartum anxiety
During my pregnancy I created a course called Calm The Chaos, to help tired, stressed and frustrated moms reconnect with their feminine power. I had poured so much of myself into this course to help other moms that felt like they were drowning, to create a calm and balanced life for themselves and their children. The ironic thing was, at this time, I wasn’t taking my own advice.
After taking a step back and taking a deeper look into why I was feeling like I was drowning; why I didn’t have this balanced and calm life I was teaching others to create. The answer: My physical needs weren’t being met, therefore, my emotional needs weren’t either.
I realized that I had been feeling unsupported by my husband and projecting my frustrations onto him, not because he was doing anything wrong, but because I was. I didn’t feel supported because I wasn’t supporting myself. I needed to sleep, pray, meditate, and drink more water to meet my physical needs in order to address my emotional. Only then would I be at a place that I could ask for help I truly needed and receive it.
Being a mother is hard. Having a baby, whether it’s your first or your third, always comes with surprises and unforeseen struggles. No matter how much we prepare, we are never prepared enough. Through these difficult times, we may feel like we are drowning. We begin to question our worthiness to be a parent and project our own frustrations onto those we love, causing more pain and heartache. It’s a daunting task to be a mommy, but one we would never give up. Finding the balance is important, and this is why I created Calm The Chaos.
I want to help you navigate your emotions, fill your tank, and learn the steps necessary to step into your power as a MOM with confidence knowing that your interactions with your child are filled with light, love, and intention. I look forward to taking this journey with you.